Alan Crawford | Updates

Get ready for the weather

Alan Crawford — Tue, 13 Oct 2026 00:00:00 +0000

Our household is preparing itself for the upcoming storm season. The Gold Coast in Queensland, Australia, is prone to massive summer storms, and current conditions indicate a dangerous bushfire risk. The world's weather is going haywire, as you've seen in Europe, Tibet and Southeast Asia.

The local Council has a very good level of readiness, response and advice should such events occur. Here's their site: https://www.goldcoast.qld.gov.au/Services/Emergencies-disasters-outages/Get-Ready

No matter where you are, this emergency kit checklist is a good idea. So be prepared, be safe and if you can, help where needed.

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Another exciting email

Alan Crawford — Wed, 7 Oct 2026 00:00:00 +0000

I receive loads of exciting emails. Warnings, pleading, bleating, and greetings. I manage to avoid nearly all of them. It turns out I'm not off to Hollywood, but staying here in my room. This email threatens my well-being, and no, I'll not be opening the attachment, thanks very much.

𝖶𝖾 𝗁𝖺𝗏𝖾 𝗋𝖾𝖼𝖾𝗂𝗏𝖾𝖽 𝗋𝖾𝗉𝗈𝗋𝗍𝗌 𝗍𝗁𝖺𝗍 𝗒𝗈𝗎𝗋 𝖯𝖺𝗀𝖾 𝗂𝗌 𝗂𝗇𝗍𝖾𝗇𝗍𝗂𝗈𝗇𝖺𝗅𝗅𝗒 𝗉𝗈𝗌𝗍𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗆𝗂𝗌𝗅𝖾𝖺𝖽𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝖼𝗈𝗇𝗍𝖾𝗇𝗍 𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝗂𝗇𝖿𝗋𝗂𝗇𝗀𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗈𝗇 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗂𝗇𝗍𝖾𝗅𝗅𝖾𝖼𝗍𝗎𝖺𝗅 𝗉𝗋𝗈𝗉𝖾𝗋𝗍𝗒 𝗋𝗂𝗀𝗁𝗍𝗌 𝗈𝖿 𝗍𝗁𝗂𝗋𝖽 𝗉𝖺𝗋𝗍𝗂𝖾𝗌.

𝖯𝗅𝖾𝖺𝗌𝖾 𝗋𝖾𝗏𝗂𝖾𝗐!

𝖮𝗎𝗋 𝗌𝗒𝗌𝗍𝖾𝗆 𝗁𝖺𝗌 𝖽𝖾𝗍𝖾𝖼𝗍𝖾𝖽 𝗍𝗁𝖺𝗍 𝗒𝗈𝗎𝗋 𝖥𝖺𝖼𝖾𝖻𝗈𝗈𝗄 𝖯𝖺𝗀𝖾 𝗆𝖺𝗒 𝗁𝖺𝗏𝖾 𝗏𝗂𝗈𝗅𝖺𝗍𝖾𝖽 𝖬𝖾𝗍𝖺'𝗌 𝖢𝗈𝗆𝗆𝗎𝗇𝗂𝗍𝗒 𝖲𝗍𝖺𝗇𝖽𝖺𝗋𝖽𝗌,

𝗂𝗇𝖼𝗅𝗎𝖽𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝖻𝗎𝗍 𝗇𝗈𝗍 𝗅𝗂𝗆𝗂𝗍𝖾𝖽 𝗍𝗈 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗎𝗌𝖾 𝗈𝖿 𝖼𝗈𝗉𝗒𝗋𝗂𝗀𝗁𝗍𝖾𝖽 𝗆𝖺𝗍𝖾𝗋𝗂𝖺𝗅, 𝗆𝗂𝗌𝗅𝖾𝖺𝖽𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗉𝗋𝗈𝖽𝗎𝖼𝗍 𝗂𝗇𝖿𝗈𝗋𝗆𝖺𝗍𝗂𝗈𝗇,

𝗈𝗋 𝖼𝗈𝗇𝗍𝖾𝗇𝗍 𝗍𝗁𝖺𝗍 𝖽𝗈𝖾𝗌 𝗇𝗈𝗍 𝖼𝗈𝗆𝗉𝗅𝗒 𝗐𝗂𝗍𝗁 𝗈𝗎𝗋 𝗉𝗈𝗅𝗂𝖼𝗂𝖾𝗌.

𝖶𝖾 𝗎𝗇𝖽𝖾𝗋𝗌𝗍𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝗍𝗁𝖺𝗍 𝗍𝗁𝗂𝗌 𝗌𝗂𝗍𝗎𝖺𝗍𝗂𝗈𝗇 𝗆𝖺𝗒 𝗂𝗆𝗉𝖺𝖼𝗍 𝗒𝗈𝗎𝗋 𝖼𝗎𝗋𝗋𝖾𝗇𝗍 𝖻𝗎𝗌𝗂𝗇𝖾𝗌𝗌 𝗈𝗉𝖾𝗋𝖺𝗍𝗂𝗈𝗇𝗌. 𝖧𝗈𝗐𝖾𝗏𝖾𝗋, 𝗉𝗅𝖾𝖺𝗌𝖾 𝗇𝗈𝗍𝖾 𝗍𝗁𝖺𝗍 𝗂𝖿 𝗐𝖾 𝖽𝗈 𝗇𝗈𝗍 𝗋𝖾𝖼𝖾𝗂𝗏𝖾 𝗒𝗈𝗎𝗋 𝖺𝗉𝗉𝖾𝖺𝗅 𝗐𝗂𝗍𝗁𝗂𝗇 24 𝗁𝗈𝗎𝗋𝗌, 𝗈𝗎𝗋 𝖽𝖾𝖼𝗂𝗌𝗂𝗈𝗇 𝗐𝗂𝗅𝗅 𝖻𝖾 𝖿𝗂𝗇𝖺𝗅.

𝖯𝗅𝖾𝖺𝗌𝖾 𝗌𝖾𝖾 𝖺𝗍𝗍𝖺𝖼𝗁𝖾𝖽 𝖽𝖾𝗍𝖺𝗂𝗅𝗌 𝖻𝖾𝗅𝗈𝗐.

𝖸𝗈𝗎𝗋 𝖼𝗈𝗈𝗉𝖾𝗋𝖺𝗍𝗂𝗈𝗇 𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝗎𝗇𝖽𝖾𝗋𝗌𝗍𝖺𝗇𝖽𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝖺𝗋𝖾 𝗀𝗋𝖾𝖺𝗍𝗅𝗒 𝖺𝗉𝗉𝗋𝖾𝖼𝗂𝖺𝗍𝖾𝖽. 𝖨𝖿 𝗒𝗈𝗎 𝗁𝖺𝗏𝖾 𝖺𝗇𝗒 𝗊𝗎𝖾𝗌𝗍𝗂𝗈𝗇𝗌 𝗈𝗋 𝖼𝗈𝗇𝖼𝖾𝗋𝗇𝗌, 𝗉𝗅𝖾𝖺𝗌𝖾 𝖼𝗈𝗇𝗍𝖺𝖼𝗍 𝗎𝗌.

𝖳𝗁𝖺𝗇𝗄 𝗒𝗈𝗎 𝖿𝗈𝗋 𝗒𝗈𝗎𝗋 𝗎𝗇𝖽𝖾𝗋𝗌𝗍𝖺𝗇𝖽𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝖼𝗈𝗈𝗉𝖾𝗋𝖺𝗍𝗂𝗈𝗇.

𝖲𝗂𝗇𝖼𝖾𝗋𝖾𝗅𝗒,

𝖬𝖾𝗍𝖺 𝖯𝗈𝗅𝗂𝖼𝗒 𝖲𝗎𝗉𝗉𝗈𝗋𝗍 𝖳𝖾𝖺𝗆

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Another wonderful Goodreads review

Alan Crawford — Mon, 5 Oct 2026 00:00:00 +0000

Here is the review:

If you enjoy dark, cynical, unapologetic humour, this collection is likely to suit you.

Told through the voice of a retired Environmental Health Officer with a lifetime of grievances, these interconnected stories take sharp, often hilarious aim at bureaucracy, hypocrisy, and everyday human stupidity. Outlaw motorcycle clubs, eccentric religious figures, reluctant food operators, and even murder all feature, and just when a story seems predictable, Crawford steers it somewhere darker or stranger.

The humour won't suit everyone. The narrator is deliberately politically incorrect, grumpy, and self-serving, yet that lack of sugar-coating is part of the appeal. Fans of Terry Pratchett and Douglas Adams will recognise the absurdist, satirical influence, though Crawford gives it a distinctly Australian flavour.

It is crude, dark, and occasionally gruesome, so look elsewhere for something gentle or feel-good. But if you enjoy black humour and watching bureaucracy and human folly taken apart with a very sharp stick, there's plenty to enjoy.

A wickedly entertaining collection that proves sometimes the best response to life's absurdity is to laugh at it. Many thanks to https://www.goodreads.com/user/show/204819396-james-benard

Amazon reviews for the Stories to Tell Collection seem elusive. Could someone please help me to understand why that is.

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My eclectic taste in music

Alan Crawford — Fri, 2 Oct 2026 00:00:00 +0000

A few people have asked what sort of music I like, what I do not, etc. I used to say any music that has heart, brains and balls. All three, no matter what genre, although it would be unlikely to be hard-slang country. So, as I love lists, I'm going to create a list. It will grow as I remember those I've forgotten and rudely left off. It's in no particular order or country of origin. I have all my music on my phone and refuse to support that evil Spotify. I tried it but didn't like the choices it made for me, and I'm against the pittance they pay the artists.

So here goes, the start before it grows:

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Another impersonation

Alan Crawford — Tue, 29 Sep 2026 00:00:00 +0000

As I've mentioned before, I'm very lucky to receive a large number of emails inviting me to do all sorts of things. This one is a beauty. The actual head of Amazon MGM Studios approached me directly. Amazing, I hear you sneer. Yes, it is amazing. Here's the proof ;) So now I'm off to Hollywood.

Dear Alan Crawford, I hope you’re having a great week. I’m reaching out regarding your book, A Story or Two to Tell.
The collection’s blend of dark humour, interconnected stories, eccentric characters, bureaucratic absurdity, and increasingly chaotic encounters creates an unusual and potentially entertaining foundation for a screen adaptation.

The retired Environmental Health Officer at the centre of the collection provides an engaging narrative perspective, while the stories move through outlaw motorcycle clubs, questionable religious figures, criminal activity, murder, and the everyday absurdities of dealing with institutions and other people. The combination of satire, cynicism, and unpredictable situations also offers considerable scope for distinctive characters and episodic storytelling.

We are interested in exploring a potential 18-month exclusive option on the screen adaptation rights to bring this work to the screen. Before we move further on our end, could you please let us know:

• Are the film, television, and digital adaptation rights to A Story or Two to Tell currently available?

• Are you represented by a literary, entertainment, or media agency for screen rights, or are you handling inquiries directly?

• If you are represented, please feel free to include your representative in this correspondence. If the relevant rights are available, we would be pleased to connect to discuss the project and potential next steps, including referring the matter to the appropriate Business & Legal Affairs representatives.

Thank you for your time and consideration. We look forward to hearing your thoughts.

Best regards, Mike Hopkins

Head of Prime Video and Amazon MGM Studios

My standard reply with this addition: Thank you for your interest in the Stories to Tell Collection. I’m impressed by your attempt at being Mike Hopkins.

His reply to mine.

Dear Alan, Thank you for your response, and I completely understand your concern. Just to clarify, I’m not reaching out to offer you a promotion, marketing package, or any paid service. My inquiry is specifically regarding the potential film and television adaptation rights for A Story or Two to Tell.

I also understand your scepticism regarding the identity behind the email. Given the number of scams targeting authors, I respect your caution and encourage you to independently verify the inquiry through an appropriate official Amazon MGM Studios channel before sharing any information or proceeding further.

If, after verification, you are open to discussing the screen rights, I would be happy to continue the conversation. If not, I completely respect your decision.

Thank you again for your time, Alan.

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A new profile picture

Alan Crawford — Sat, 26 Sep 2026 00:00:00 +0000

Howdy all, it's very relaxing sitting here thinking of content for this blog. So relaxing because nothing really happens around here. It's a quiet place, best described as quiet. I decided to try and update my profile image, so we leapt into the backyard and tried a few. This one is the least offensive. A triple chin, facial outbreaks, with a cute dimple.

The marketing for A Story or Two to Tell and More Stories to Tell is about to be boosted, and I look forward to seeing exciting results, feedback, reviews, and sales if it all goes as planned. If you'd like to buy your own copies, check out the links here on the site and if inclined, please leave a review. You'll find that the ebooks are incredibly affordable.

The gym is arriving and being installed on Wednesday, so I'll be distracted from the quiet by exercising like a madman until I settle into a routine. I'm searching for an exercise plan for me and my wife to develop and grow into.

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Consider my ego stroked :)

Alan Crawford — Mon, 21 Sep 2026 00:00:00 +0000

This delightful approach arrived in my inbox today. I think it's an AI-assisted review-style compliment, and I know it's designed to have me pay them for a service or two. Sadly, no, I'm all out of money for such things, but I've taken the liberty of copying the main part and posting here.

I'm simply glowing and pleased as punch :)

Dear Alan,

Some storytellers smooth the rough edges from their characters. Yours seems to have done the opposite, and that may be precisely what makes the voice so difficult to ignore.

I’m Celia Wetherby, Director of The Curated Literary Society, a literary community dedicated to bringing distinctive books, thoughtful readers, and the authors behind meaningful stories closer together. We are drawn to books with a voice of their own, particularly when that voice gives readers an unexpected way of looking at people, institutions, and the absurdities of everyday life.

What caught my attention about A Story or Two to Tell is the decision to let a retired Environmental Health Officer look back on a career through a mixture of memoir, fiction, dark humour, and unapologetic sarcasm. The setting of an aged care complex, with the narrator telling stories to an increasingly attentive audience, gives the collection an almost conversational quality — as though the reader has wandered into a conversation that has been going on long before they arrived.

I was particularly intrigued by the contrast between the narrator’s apparently ordinary professional background and the extraordinary material he chooses to recount: bureaucratic absurdity, outlaw bike clubs, questionable businesses, cult-like leadership, murder, and the less flattering sides of human behaviour. Rather than presenting an idealised storyteller, you have created someone deliberately flawed, grumpy, politically incorrect, and self-serving, yet still capable of noticing things about people that a more polished narrator might overlook.

That tension between humour and darker subject matter is what makes the collection feel distinctive to me. It also raises an interesting question about storytelling itself: how much truth can sometimes be revealed by a narrator who refuses to pretend he is better, wiser, or more heroic than he really is?

I’d particularly love to know how much of the narrator’s personality grew from your own experiences and observations, and where the fictional element began to take over. I’d also be interested in what attracted you to the oral storytelling style and to the deliberately uncompromising voice of the narrator.

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What happens when you get old

Alan Crawford — Sat, 19 Sep 2026 00:00:00 +0000

I'm trying to counteract the impact of getting old. I did a post about my new home gym (on its way soon), and that physical activity will do me the world of good. I've also got to reduce the size of my belly.

A generous shape that is more often than not labelled as a beer belly. Not in my case though. Over the years I've tried everything, in moderation: no carbohydrates, meal replacement shakes, no sweets, etc. All to no avail.

I walk one of our puppies 3.5 kms every morning and about 2 km in the afternoon. Managing over 10K steps each day. I try to eat smaller portions and, despite a relapse into eating some chocolate, next to no crap.

So, combined with the routine male ageing symptoms, I'm trying my best while taking far too many tablets.

I'm looking to hang in as long as I can. :)

Here's a video providing some context.

Embedded Youtube video removed, see original post to watch.

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As the world turns

Alan Crawford — Wed, 16 Sep 2026 00:00:00 +0000

I sit here watching far too much news for my own well-being. But I can't bring myself to be political here in the Stories to Tell Collection marketing space, so I'll keep it free of such observations and views.

What I will try to do is try to share some random clips, interesting history, maths, science, music and laughs. Maybe even a cat video or babies doing funny things. If, like me, you've spent time on the internet, you'll appreciate just how many videos there are.

I'll start with the amazing Furious Bongos and their arrangement of Zomby Woof. Turn it up.

Embedded Youtube video removed, see original post to watch.

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Home Gym

Alan Crawford — Mon, 14 Sep 2026 00:00:00 +0000

Well, after spending money on gym fees and not attending as often as I should, I've made the wild decision to buy a home gym. A Revolution HG636S will be delivered and installed in my garage by some beefy folks. My wife and I will be able to use this machine as often as we can without drama.

We're not looking to add huge muscle mass, just trying to outweigh (pun intended) the loss of same as we get more mature. Well, she is. Not me. This video shows two extra features added; ours will be as per the photograph. See their site: https://revolutionfitness.net.au/product/revolution-636-home-gym/

Embedded Youtube video removed, see original post to watch.

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Changed alancrawford.com.au

Alan Crawford — Fri, 11 Sep 2026 00:00:00 +0000

I have taken on board advice about my old website, alancrawford.com.au, that it was causing some SEO and reader confusion. I redirected it here, but yesterday I undid that redirect and changed the site to reflect slightly different content. I removed my remaining short story bits, but I've left the very old tbaoo.com posts as that site is offline. tbaoo.com contained my first attempts at writing, combined with some newer rants about my local Council. I hope this adjustment will be clear when Google catches up to the changes.

In the meanwhile I've not heard back from Amazon yet and sit here reasonably confident that there will be more to and fro. Let's hope it's in the right direction.

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New blog

Alan Crawford — Wed, 9 Sep 2026 00:00:00 +0000

Yes, I've started a blog and will post random things that need posting ;) cheers

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Amazon A+ Content remains out of reach?

Alan Crawford — Wed, 9 Sep 2026 00:00:00 +0000

What a frustrating situation. I'm trying to learn about and maybe use A+ Content for my descriptions, etc. I'd completely forgotten that I set up some sort of individual seller account, and it was active across many markets. Somehow, without any activity, the UK one has violated something? And it is suspended. Because of this, I can't access A+ Content. So the answer is the snake eating its tail.

Log into the account that I did not know of, then tried and found that I had done such a thing. Ask that the deactivation be reversed, and then I can close that account. I need a token to do so, and that's not shown as it's an individual account. (Edit: I found it and provided it to the support folks)

Here's a sample of the confusion offered by support:

Hello *****,

This is Neeraj from Amazon's Account Health Support. Thank you for contacting us. I understand you have concerns about your Amazon.com.au account being deactivated and the recent communication you received.

What Happened

As per the Performance Notification received on 09/09/2026, "Review of your Amazon account" — your Amazon.com.au account remains deactivated because it is linked to another account in the UK store. That UK account was deactivated for policy violations. When one account is deactivated, all accounts linked to it also remain deactivated until the issue is fully resolved.

Your recent appeal was not successful because it did not address the relationship between your accounts or provide supporting evidence.

What You Can Do

Option 1 — If you have access to the UK account:

Go to the Account Health page and resolve all active policy violations

Once the UK account is reactivated, return to your AU account

Click "Reactivate your account" on the banner and provide the account name, marketplace, date of reactivation, and optional proof of reinstatement

Option 2 — If you do not recognise or own the UK account:

Go to your Account Health page: (deleted for this post)

Submit a dispute clearly stating that you do not own or recognise the linked UK account

Include an explanation of why this decision is incorrect

Attach supporting documents such as a government-issued ID, business registration, or other official documentation to verify your identity

Important

Please do not create a new seller account, as this may delay the reactivation process and could result in the permanent closure of all your accounts.

Any updates regarding your account will be communicated through Performance Notifications in Seller Central and/or your registered email address.

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The heat is on

Alan Crawford — Mon, 7 Sep 2026 00:00:00 +0000

The worldwide weather is reacting to global warming; Tibet, Nepal, Europe's fires, and the impact El Niño will have on Australia are explained here: https://www.bom.gov.au/news-and-media/el-nino-what-it-means-for-australias-climate

Please be safe, be prepared, and where you can, help those in power to make the right decisions; ignoring climate change is a no-win situation.

Maybe also try some serious distraction from current events if you can. Yes, the Stories to Tell Collection helps do that ;)

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Helpful advice from everyone it seems

Alan Crawford — Sat, 5 Sep 2026 00:00:00 +0000

Every day I receive at least 10 emails offering marketing services, videos, banners, Amazon techniques, etc. The latest is fake literary agents and publishers' "cold calling" seeking to talk with me about my work. Using Gmail is a bit of a giveaway ;)

Anywho, I resist these generous approaches and reply with the following:

Thank you for your interest in the Stories to Tell Collection.

I really appreciate it, but with the overwhelming number of requests and the fact that I've no money for promotion, I’m unable to take advantage of any services on offer. Cheers alan :)

The Stories to Tell Collection is available on Amazon, Apple Books, Google Play, and Kobo.

A Story or Two to Tell

Amazon - https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0GT7FVNSP?ref_=dbs_m_mng_rwt_calw_tkin_0&storeType=ebooks

Apple Books - http://books.apple.com/us/book/id6760872416

More Stories to Tell

Amazon - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0GT7K58JW?ref_=saga_dp_bnx_dsk_dp

Apple Books - http://books.apple.com/us/book/id6760872995

Very Odd Short Stories

Amazon - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0GT75GS97?ref_=saga_dp_bnx_dsk_dp

Apple Books - http://books.apple.com/us/book/id6760883293

Really Odd Short Stories

Amazon - https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0GT4FSLMF?ref_=dbs_m_mng_rwt_calw_tkin_3&storeType=ebooks

Apple Books - http://books.apple.com/us/book/id6760883317

Google Play - https://play.google.com/store/books/series?id=asdeHAAAABA12M

Kobo - https://www.kobo.com/au/en/series/stories-to-tell-collection

GoodReads https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/57428252.Alan_Crawford

Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61573496168694

The Independent Author Network - https://www.independentauthornetwork.com/alan-crawford.html

AllAuthor - https://allauthor.com/author/acrawfordsaidso

BlueSky - https://bsky.app/profile/storiestotellcollection.com.au

Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/acrawfordsaidso/

TikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@acrawfordsaidso?lang=en

My Website - https://www.storiestotellcollection.com.au

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We're off and running

Alan Crawford — Fri, 4 Sep 2026 00:00:00 +0000

The response to my starting a blog has been amazing! In fact, I've received no response at all. It's a serious hill to climb of course, and if you see the blog, please react and help me to relax. I'll start adding some photos to distract you from the lack of content.

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How silly will this become?

Alan Crawford — Thu, 3 Sep 2026 00:00:00 +0000

It will probably get very silly. I've not run an active blog for some years. I started online with tbaoo.com, which morphed into alancrawford.com.au as I started writing longer posts and stories. I am thinking of collating some more stories and posts into a new ebook. I'm also being coerced into writing a completely different long-form story. That's going to be difficult.

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Something new.

Alan Crawford — Thu, 3 Sep 2026 00:00:00 +0000

Welcome to the new blog feature.

I'll aim to offer some scintillating ideas, random thoughts, hints at new stories and maybe even a reaction or two. If you'd like to sign up for any exciting emails, you'll receive a PDF of my fanciful resume. I'd also love some feedback, good or bad ;), should you have any. You can reach me via the Contact section.

Embedded Youtube video removed, see original post to watch.

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A wonderful new graphic comes my way

Alan Crawford — Mon, 18 May 2026 00:00:00 +0000

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Bye Bye to Draft2Digital

Alan Crawford — Thu, 19 Mar 2026 00:00:00 +0000

Chaos forced me to delist from Draft2Digital, I'm now published with Apple, Google and KDP Amazon. a better outcome, me thinks.

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